@tlemco: When I die, scatter me across my ex's front lawn. Also, don't cremate me.
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@MrsRupertPupkin: My cat tried to knock over my TV this morning. WHY ARE MY BEST FRIENDS FIGHTING?!
@Love_bug1016: [trying to impress date] Him: I want someone who's not afraid of a little PDA. Me: *keys I WANT THE SEX into the side of his car*