@tlemco: When I die, scatter me across my ex's front lawn. Also, don't cremate me.
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@donni: Surprise parties are great. Depress your friend by pretending to forget their birthday, then terrify them briefly
@robdelaney: Maybe if wommen's uteroids weren't such powerful mystery-swamps, the GOP wouldn't have to police them with #light & #K9 units.
@sad_tree: [After Big Jewel Heist] "We did it! We got away! Everything went to plan" ME(holding my grappling hook I didn't get to use): Yea it was ok
@SondraDeeMe: If we got paid for how many tweets we put out, some of you would be millionaires in mansions. I'd be living in Government Assisted Housing.