@tlemco: When I die, scatter me across my ex's front lawn. Also, don't cremate me.
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@Mr_Kapowski: 7 y/o daughter: Why don't they have tape for your burrito but you could eat the tape? And now I know what Einstein's parents felt like
@Travon: So sad America ranks 25th in the world in math. But at least we're still in the top 10.
@MartaEffing: Decorating my xmas tree after a bottle of wine. Mixed up a box of candy canes with a box of tampons. Tree looks weird and I feel minty.