@tlemco: When I die, scatter me across my ex's front lawn. Also, don't cremate me.
@Aspersioncast: Whatever happened to that little girl from The Ring, did she grow up to be Kristen Stewart?
@KimmyMonte: Can't believe no one told me that cows can't walk down stairs. Now I'm stuck with all these attic cows.
@kivtur: Producer *At a stuntman's funeral*: He died for our scenes.
@Lerky: Seriously, soup?
If I wanted to drink my lunch I would go to a bar.
@haleysfalling: every time you say the word "turnt" a baby gets run over by a smart car