@Heronhell: When I die use my body to block up a water slide. No one should have fun once I'm gone
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@Token_Geezer: Fun Prank: Use Bluetooth to play 30 second blasts of Napalm Death on your neighbours stereo. They’ll think they have a poltergeist and move
@DanMentos: "I just tried to make reservations at the library" You don't need a res- "Couldn't get one though" Don't do this "They were fully booked"
@RandomlyMJ: Thanks to Twitter I will never again ask a man "What are you thinking?" Because now I know and I am horrified.
@sweet_pea707: Me: Did you hear what I just said? Him: Yes Me: What did I say? Him: Did you hear what I just said