@1BigMick: When I drop my son off at school I do one arm pushups at the entrance to let the other dads know that's what's up. But they're all at work.
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@ChrisRGun: I don't hate people for their skin, creeds or heritage. I hate them based on how fond they are of Minions.
@Tommytoughstuff: [Hardware store] ME: I'll take one of those giant forks. WORKER: That's a rake. ME: I'm gonna eat so much spaghetti with that thing.
@TheMichaelRock: Never laugh at a toddlers joke unless you want to hear it repeated 425 more times.