@1BigMick: When I drop my son off at school I do one arm pushups at the entrance to let the other dads know that's what's up. But they're all at work.
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@ramblinma: *cuts up plastic rings so no hypothetical animal will choke on them* *will not hold the elevator for a single person, ever*
@Playing_Dad: [Walking around park with kid] Daughter: Daddy, why is grass green? Me: Because God wants to remind me I have no money everywhere
@weinerdog4life: Sex is a lot like Mario Kart, you go really fast, you throw some bananas, Wario is there.