@hippieswordfish: when i found out i won the World's Saddest Man award i became slightly happy and was immediately stripped of my title
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@PinkCamoTO: Nothing makes me feel more beautiful than when the woman waxing my eyebrows asks if I want my moustache done too.
@Rollinintheseat: I hate it when I sit down on a warm public toilet seat and I have to set myself on fire.
@squirrel74wkgn: [on a date] Her: *sneezes* Me: God- Her: *sneezes* Thank you Me: -dammit, what's taking the food so long?
@LuvPug: But seriously- how do Superheroes even go to the bathroom? I mean, look at their costumes.