@hippieswordfish: when i found out i won the World's Saddest Man award i became slightly happy and was immediately stripped of my title
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@toomanytoes: (Bar) Him-Are you seeing anyone? Me-Oh yes. [I wink at the weird clown that resides on the very edge of my peripheral vision at all times]
@DanMentos: Q. Why are ghostbusters afraid of bridges over small rivers? A. Because they're not supposed to cross the streams
@Darlainky: "It's important to remember Snitches get stitches", I whisper to my 5 year old nephew as my sister asks who drank all of her wine.