@LOUD_Thoughts_: When I get a headache, I take two aspirin and keep away from children just like the bottle says.
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@sfreeze6: Ouija boards are officially obsolete, now that the dead can read messages addressed to them on Facebook.
@robdelaney: "Bartender, see that brunette at the end of the bar? I'd like you to bring her a slice of your finest ham."
@JONOCOYOTE: •a lion stalks a fawn• •a man steps out from behind tree• I'm Chris Hansen from NBCs to catch a predator, do u know how old that deer is?
@EndhooS: *Wife walks in, the house is trashed* "OMG..we've been burgled" *I jump out of the closet in full hockey gear* HAVE YOU SEEN THE WASP KAREN?