@LOUD_Thoughts_: When I get a headache, I take two aspirin and keep away from children just like the bottle says.
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@ibid78: Sex is a lot like chess. It takes practice to be good. You have to adapt quickly to your partner's moves. You're gonna sacrifice some horses
@truegritrumble: PRIEST: Is there any reason these two shouldn't be wed? ME: *from the back* SHE HOLDS ONTO CHECKS FOR MONTHS & THEN CASHES THEM UNEXPECTEDLY
@yaboydil: Some say global warming is caused by an increase in greenhouse gases, but I know that's a cover up for the truth: too many hot local singles
@HuajatollaChic: At least dogs look at you when you're talking with them as if to say, hell yeah I'd talk to you, but I'm a dog.