@ItalianBratikus: When I get calls from unknown numbers I panic, decline and then wait for the voicemail like I'm about to be murdered.
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@Tmoney68: Look, if I offer you a bite of my calamari, you're bound to offer me a bite of your food. Legally, it's known as Squid Pro Quo.
@AimeeHelene1: Ma'am...we're going to have to ask you to get off of the table. Ma'am... (me, trying to cuddle with my bacon cheese fries)
@huntigula: [interview] BOSS: So you have zero experience? ME: Hire me & I'll give u a sweet nickname B: That's absurd.. ME: Lazerwolf B: Welcome aboard
@weenbeans: *rubs temples* security guard: Hey you! Stop touching the historic buildings at this ancient religious site!!