@Rollinintheseat: When I get cold in a movie theater, I pull a CVS receipt out of my purse and use it as a blanket.
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@TheMichaelRock: 12yo: Can we go to a haunted house this year? Me: What's wrong with the one we live in? 12yo: WHAT?! Me: Goodnight, son.
@_SingleBabyMama: I figured out the best time to go grocery shopping these days is at 3:45 AM, before the Girl Scouts even wake up. Ha, I'll show them.
@juneohara65: I just got a text from someone I don't know. They say they're sick and vomitting. Should I tell them that vomitting only has one T?