@WheelTod: When I get depressed about an underperforming tweet, I think about starving kids in Africa & how lucky they are to never experience my pain.
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@dumbbeezie: Naked and Afraid but it's just you in someone else's bathroom with a toilet that won't flush
@Skullcat: Hate to brag, but a cute fireman gave me his number today. It's only 3 digits & he said it's only for emergencies, but I know what he meant
@ChrisScarlette: [being robbed] Me: careful.. I'm ARMED *whips out bible Robber: lol *pulls gun out of bible R: oh *pulls smaller bible out of gun
@mexinonblonde: I have recently learned that it is considered poor form to sit on Santa's lap and ask to be made a widow for Christmas... The more you know.