@WheelTod: When I get depressed about an underperforming tweet, I think about starving kids in Africa & how lucky they are to never experience my pain.
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@funnybrad: Air Bud seems like a great movie, until you realize some poor kid was cut from the team to make room on the roster for a golden retriever
@BadMikeyBad: The scariest sound is an unknown crash followed by my 9 year old yelling "It's OK! There's nothing wrong! You don't need to come up here"
@lawking30: I photobombed my pal's passport photo & now they won't let him through customs unless I'm behind him waving my hands in the air like a putz.
@TheDeadfishSays: Me: For who the bell tolls... Teacher: You forgot the 'M'. Me:Oh... Me: Me: For who them bells toll...