@sarah1mc: When I get murdered the neighbors will be on the news like, "Wow, I can't believe it took so long."
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@yayraptor: [at a bar] me: hey girl are u a wanted criminal girl: no me: oh ok [to a group of cops] shes not here, search the other building
@audipenny: Hey I got your text but then I died, I'll probably like resurrect when we accidentally run into each other though
@Robert_Beau: Sunday Family Dinner: Mother In Law: Isn't that your third glass of wine? Me: Isn't that your third husband? MIL: M: MIL: M: Gravy?
@Matt_The_1st: Sorry I didn't reply to your text, I just couldn't find a response that would keep you from sending another