@kelkulus: When I get to somebody's house, I text them, because knocking on doors is for poor people.
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@Fred_Delicious: Bruce Willis is at the supermarket, standing by the cucumbers & laughing hysterically, pointing at them with tears streaming down his face
@Storminika: Good things about drinking on the plane: 1. You don't have to drive. 2. No matter how much you drink, they can't throw you out.
@aka_fatman: Hamburgler: Success! Look at this amazing haul of these McDonald's burgers! Hamburgler's Mum: *sobbing* Your brother is an architect.