@osigat: When I go out in public with my brother; people think he is my boyfriend, which is crazy because we broke up over 12 years ago.
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@roostermustache: Obama:*sits down and whoopee cushion makes fart noise* what th- JOE Biden:*tears in his eyes, points at trump* HE WAS SUPPOSED TO SIT THERE
@TheTweetOfGod: My advice for anyone who wants more followers is simple: Form them from dust and breathe into their nostrils. #workedforMe
@GirrlGenius: If my body is ever found dead on a jogging trail, just know I was murdered elsewhere and dumped there.
@JaneBadall: My son just referred to a beaver as a "wood-eater". So I mulled it over in my mind for a bit and it would seem he's correct on two levels.