@Momtoteens: When I go see my drug dealer, she makes me lay on a couch and talk to her for an hour first.
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@AmyLondon: @funTweeters TIL:The phrase "I plead the fifth" comes from the minimum volume of alcohol one can blame for committing the alleged infraction
@shopkins776: I never make New Year's resolutions. I just carry the ones over from the previous year and add "This time I'm serious"
@truegritrumble: PRIEST: If there's any reasons these two should not be wed, speak now or forever hold your peace. ME: *quietly tries to open a bag of chips*