@T_Bonezzz_: When I go shopping I like to buy condoms and cat food at the same time just to confuse the cashier.
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@AndyAsAdjective: *steps out of time machine* SCIENTIST: so did you kill Hitler? ME: [holding a cute little baby triceratops] um yeah, about that…
@dorsalstream: Let he who is without sin cast the first stone. Let he who is without stone come down to Steve's Stone Supply, Exit 13A off the NJ Turnpike.
@sexorpizza: Friend: Hey guess what? Me: What? Friend: No, guess! Me: I don't need this friendship that bad.