@T_Bonezzz: When I go shopping I like to buy condoms and cat food at the same time just to confuse the cashier
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@ndiquote: interviewer : you said you have a dark past, so why should we hire you ? me : ...so I can pay my electricity bills
@LurkAtHomeMom: Watch closely as the husband quietly approaches the calm children, riles them up into a frenzy, then slyly escapes to watch football.
@KyleMcDowell86: *rolls up on dance battle* Sick moves bruh. You know who else had sick moves? Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ *hands out pamphlets*
@KimmyMonte: before camouflage clothing was invented, people would just stand still and make tree noises.