@T_Bonezzz: When I go shopping I like to buy condoms and cat food at the same time just to confuse the cashier
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@AllieA: I used to accidentally hold hands with strangers I mistook for my dad. It's slightly weirder now that I'm in my 20s and doing it on purpose.
@StephenBCramer: My dirty language got me suspended in school but many years later I get rewarded with stars and retweets, never give up on your dreams kids.
@thenatewolf: *a man runs into the bar* "HELP HELP, IS ANYONE HERE COUSINS WITH BON JOVI?" *my date looks at me, I do nothing, my lies are now exposed*
@iamburtjarvis: [spelling bee] judge: your word is serendipity. me: can you use it in a sentence. judge: sure. gary googled the word serendipity.