@T_Bonezzz: When I go shopping I like to buy condoms and cat food at the same time just to confuse the cashier
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@tastefactory: Young mom: My baby is 34 months Me: Oh really I'm 407 months yeah I hope you like doing math you piece of shit
@marcia_bee: I was going to suggest Twitter to have a live Nativity scene but I think it's going to be impossible. A virgin and 3 wise men? On here?!
@Underchilde: Sometimes I put a “for sale” sign in my neighbor’s yard and pray the power of suggestion works.
@tastefactory: When parents say to kids "go to ur room & think about what you've done" it's really good practice for what you'll do every night as an adult