@shatterpants: When I go to Subway I always bring a pair of pants that are 10 times to big for me and high five all the workers.
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@thepunningman: Dr "Do you want the good news or the bad news?" Patient "Good" Dr "You have 6 months to live" P "What's the bad news!?" Dr "...in dog years"
@Reverend_Scott: Recent studies link bacon to cancer. "Ya, don't eat bacon, you'll get so much cancer", said one pink scientist.
@FunnyJokeBook: Parents: "Why don't you come socialize with the family?" Me: *sits with family* *gets insulted by entire family* *goes back to bedroom*