@NiceLittleWife: When I go to Victoria's Secret, I just throw things on the floor to see how they'll really look.
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@KrazykurtKurt: I usually spend my Sundays texting apologies but I've had an alcohol free weekend now I have nothing to do.
@thepoetknight: *pays $20 for deluxe car wash* *hits roughly 3,287,998 bugs during 2 mile drive home*
@MrPhetz: Why did my ex gf Fav my tweet where I announced that I got laid off. Why did you do that sharon
@QwertyJones3: [First day working in a warehouse] ME: What's that machine for? "Oh, that's the forklift" ME: OH MY GOD HOW HEAVY ARE YOUR FORKS??