@NiceLittleWife: When I go to Victoria's Secret, I just throw things on the floor to see how they'll really look.
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@dongfuture: *stops walking* Wait, I think there’s a stone in my shoe *takes off shoe, shakes it upside down* *Mick Jagger hits the ground with a thud*
@Arrogant_Twat: Tell someone you love them today, because life is short. But shout it at them in German, because life is also terrifying and confusing.
@kyle_thatisall: [walks in meeting late] "Sorry I was busy with important-" SIRI (from pocket): OK here's what I found on the web for are hot dogs sandwiches
@LoveNLunchmeat: him: [has seen Jaws, is smart, knows what to do when he hears the Jaws theme music] me: [has never seen Jaws, is dead now]