@slimmy_shady: When I have a daughter I'm naming her Leroy. No guy will ever say "Yo bro I hooked up with Leroy last night" how would that sound?
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@jonnysun: "fool me once, shame on u. fool me once, shame on u. fool me once, shame on u" - a goldfish :(
@Smug_Lemur: Forgot I started my stopwatch. It's now been 139:27.05 since I wondered how long it takes me to run five miles.
@Humor_Fetish: There's no human I hate more than the attendant in the bathroom at bars. Bro, I can handle this portion of my day ASSISTANCE FREE.
@FranksGrapjes: 1st date She: I enjoy long walks on the beach. Me: *nod knowingly* Because you want to lose weight.