@pinapl: When I have more than $20 in my account at the end of the month I have to wonder what bill I forgot to pay.
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@DRUNKdadding: "Sure, you can wear shorts to preschool today." -the reason I am sleeping on the couch right now
@TheMichaelRock: *wife gives me a big hug before I leave for work* I love you too, babe! [later] Where's my credit card? Son of a..
@JillBidenVeep: Joe: Just met with Secret Service Barack: Oh yea? Joe: I got them to agree to call Trump "David S. Pumpkins"