@StellaRtwot: When I hear "This call is being monitored for quality assurance" I think "Cool, let's see how bad this person wants their job."
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@Kyle_Raney: DATING TIP: Girls love sensitive guys. Loudly wince when she touches you. Re-apply sunblock 38 times. Bring up how often your gums bleed.
@mattZillaaaa: [job interview] "So do you have any questions you'd like to ask me?" Can I wait a week until I take the drug test?
@dumbbeezie: After 8 years of research and an obscene amount of funding, we have determined that bat shit is no crazier than any other shit
@iamporgy: Dad : son ,when I was your age I used to walk 6kms to school Son: oh now I get it Dad: get what? Son: why you didn't make it to university