@joeljeffrey: When I kiss a girl, sometimes I dont know what to do with my hands, so I slow clap behind her head to make sure she knows I'm enjoying it.
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@MatCro: [office] DAVE: We're having a baby SUE: Congratulations! ME: [suspicious that Dave is a seahorse] Looking forward to the birth, Dave?
@ArfMeasures: CARPET SALESMAN: [sighing, handing me another sample] What about this one for your bedroom? ME: Hmmm no that one is also far too small
@Home_Halfway: I forgot the name for a beaver the other day so I referred to them as "architect squirrels."