@joeljeffrey: When I kiss a girl, sometimes I dont know what to do with my hands, so I slow clap behind her head to make sure she knows I'm enjoying it.
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@Vice_Queen: I accidentally just sent a kissy face emoji to my female boss... and now we wait for the call from HR on Monday.
@krissywillbretz: [Spelling bee] Dad Judge: your word is "arson" Contestant: can you use it in a sentence? Dad Judge: You're not arson, you're adopted.
@Marlebean: Husband: You cut your hair! Me: ... H: It looks good! I like it! ... Me: I cut my hair 3 weeks ago.
@sssub23: I'm really not sure how many times I'll search for my phone with the flashlight on my phone before I realize I'm an idiot....