@joeljeffrey: When I kiss a girl, sometimes I dont know what to do with my hands, so I slow clap behind her head to make sure she knows I'm enjoying it.
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@TheMichaelRock: God: One last thing before I let you in. Let's look at your Google search history. Me: I'll show myself out.
@Test_of_Steron: Copied tweets with higher no. of RTs remind me of tht incident when Charlie Chaplin entered a Charlie Chaplin look-alike contest n came 3rd.
@SortaBad: How to sleep: 1. Lay down 2. Dim lights 3. Dwell about literally every mistake you've made in your life for 6 hours 4. Rest for 9 minutes
@Izianikapani: Construction sites are dangerous places. I nearly blacked out holding in my stomach as I walked past one.