@Carbosly: When I leave a plane, I tighten the belts before I leave so that whoever sits there next will think "wow, whoever sat here was very thin".
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@Ideal_Victoria: Life doesn't do much to prepare you for when a coworker gets bangs and asks what you think of her hair.
@dafloydsta: ME: I think it's time I get my life in order. MORGAN FREEMAN: But he would not get his life in order. In fact, he got drunk that night and fought a raccoon.
@JKickinit30: *touches your nose* *touches your mouth* *touches your forehead* Them: Why are you touching me? Me: Gotta be a mute button somewhere
@DelanieFischer: People who don't have a name for their newborn, What the shit did you do for 9 months?