@DulciePlaid: When I left for work this morning, the dog begged me to stay and the cat handed me my keys.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@_blotty: [ocean's 11 music] So here's the plan,we iron me flat, then slide me into an ATM via the card slot. Once inside, it's a cash playground boys
@Reverend_Scott: *rubs magic lamp, genie appears* I wish for World peace. Genie: Can't do it. Million dollars? Genie: Listen bro, I lied on my genie resume.
@TheToddWilliams: [high seas] FIRST MATE: The men be ready to attack PIRATE: Arr! FIRST MATE: Oh sorry...the men "are" ready to attack