@DirtMcTurd: When I meet someone new I shake their hand really fast and whisper "yes, please don't stop" because people need to learn not to talk to me.
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@Littlest_Slobo: If growing up in the ’80s taught me one thing, it’s that my friends and I should have found the body of a missing boy by now.
@HomeProbably: [at restaurant] Table for two please. “Do you have reservations?” Yes, this place looks like a dump but I’m hungry.