@DirtMcTurd: When I meet someone new I shake their hand really fast and whisper "yes, please don't stop" because people need to learn not to talk to me.
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@MrsGoose69: Hubby: "Why don't you ever tell me when you have an orgasm?" Wife: "I don't want to bother you while you are at work."
@jessokfine: People always throwing cursed objects into the sea hello, no that is how you get haunted sharks
@LeBearGirdle: *1st dinner date* Me: waiter, can I get the bill- Her: I love sophisticated guys Me: I mean *coughs* waiter can I get the... william?