@gaynorlsimpson: When I met you I was completely blown away because the wind was ridiculous.
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@MrSpoonicorn: *i got to get into bed but theres a walrus in there* *i ask him politely to move* *he wont move* *i have to sleep on the floor & im annoyed*
@TheMichaelRock: Recipes sound good until you realize that you don't have $846 worth of spices in your house.
@stephenjmolloy: [Trying to impress a girl on a date] Me: "Not to brag but I'm getting Windows 10 for free."