@gaynorlsimpson: When I met you I was completely blown away because the wind was ridiculous.
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@bazecraze: Making fun of someone's age is like mocking them for getting hit by a train because you're standing a little further down the tracks.
@NikiWithIssues: I hate airplanes and flying. It's like someone throwing a can full of people over the ocean and hoping someone in Europe will catch it.
@XplodingUnicorn: 5-year-old: How many pull-ups can you do? Me: 22. Wife: How many with witnesses? Me: Almost 1.