@Donna_McCoy: I turn my phone off overnight. A 3am text either means bad news or drunk people, and both make more sense in the morning.

@juneohara65: I await the announcement that Trump's running mate will be Charlie Sheen.

@Cpin42: Based on his ability to hide poop, my cat would be the worst criminal of all time.

@Birdhumms: I kept getting my shin badly grazed by the pedal of my bike when I was was a kid, that was one vicious cycle.

@UnFitz: Her idea of extending an olive branch was to sharpen one end first, then extend it REALLY hard.