@JaneBadall: In retrospect, the kidnapping was going according to plan until I blew my nose on the rag I'd soaked with chloroform.

@ValeeGrrl: Husband said, "If you were really THAT funny you wouldn't have to always say COME ON, THAT WAS FUNNY." So now I have a tombstone to select

@Fallun_Angel: I'm having an out-of-money experience.

@Swishergirl24: When I hear teenagers talk I wonder why there's not a high school class dedicated to learning the definition of the word "literally"

@Black__Elvis: I only buy expensive baby food with cute babies on the label because I'm willing to pay extra if it means my kids aren't eating ugly babies.