@KrazykurtKurt: When I practice my saxophone I have to put the cat in the window, so my neighbours know I'm not kicking it around the living room.
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@POTerritory: Him: You put feathers of a crow in this drink? Me: Yes, I made sure they all came from 1 crow. It's... Him: Please don't. Me: ...single molt
@iwearaonesie: If you use your alarm to look for your car in a parking lot someone will eventually help you find it by yelling "It's over here you idiot!"
@GashleyMadison: "For a really awkward time, call me." -me, leaving my number on bathroom stalls.
@ruinedpicnic: J.K. Rowling: "Theres actually a goat with Harry Potter the entire time, its just never mentioned or does anything."