@SCbchbum: When I reached the border patrol checkpoint, I raised my kale smoothie & the officer immediately waved me through.
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@uncle_fescue: I just saw my ex get hit by a snow plow but in all fairness I have never driven one of these before.
@SatansTongue: "You can be anything!" Okay I'm going to be Kanye west "Josh that's not what I meant" Shhhh *puts my finger to her lips* It's Kanye now
@MarkAFuqua_Hunt: Want to get your kids attention and make sure they hear what you say? Start whispering something to your spouse.