@tequilasaltlife: When I said I missed you, I meant with a hammer
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@samalmightysam: • You're born. • You grow up. • You believe in Santa. • You stop believing in Santa. • You look like Santa. • You are Santa. • You die.
@FullMetalMommy: My husband brought home one happy meal for two kids. Frankly things would have been less dramatic if he'd brought home a girlfriend.
@TheHyyyype: Signs that your wife is cheating on you: 1. Wearing more makeup and perfume than usual 2. Acting distant 3. Sleeping with another dude