@Lisa_Laughs_: When I said I wanted to take it slow, I meant your life.
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@samalmightysam: • You're born. • You grow up. • You believe in Santa. • You stop believing in Santa. • You look like Santa. • You are Santa. • You die.
@CauseWereDads: "Dad, lil bro pooped on the floor!"nMe: Ok, just like we practiced. I'll hide in garage, you go tell Mommy. This convo never happened! GO!
@BlackCatBettie: If you have a horse and you didn't name it Edgar Allan Pony, we can't be friends.
@bobvulfov: FACEBOOK: yo remember ur ex from 2 years ago? look at this photo of u together ME: facebook no FACEBOOK: k heres ur dog who died 5 years ago