@krissywillbretz: When I said "I'm really good in bed" I was referring to sleeping. Sorry for the misunderstanding, you can pull your pants up now.
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@shkeeber: Things safer than flying Malaysia Airlines: -Badger juggling -Heroin enemas -Grenade soup -Live cobra condoms -Roman candle tampons -Ebola
@WheelTod: Money was so tight last Xmas I had to sell a kidney for gifts. And this year it's getting so bad, I may even have to sell one of my own.
@Kesse_GH: A Girl on Twitter, finally gave birth,Now she's been tweeting her baby pics every 20min & Makes me feel I am raising her child with my Data
@hippieswordfish: ME: *falls down the stairs* help buddy im hurt bad call 911 ROBE-BOT: another robe sir?