@JimmerThatisAll: When I say I'm as sober as a judge I mean Paula Abdul.
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@KimmyMonte: Your Honor the defense rests. They are so tired. Aww they look like angels when they sleep. Kinda makes u forget about the double homicide
@TheAlexNevil: "See you later alligator" "In a whilst crocodile" -why we fought the British for independence
@WhiskeySoured: If a bear is chasing you, don't run. Be very still and tweet about it because you're about to die.
@KittenWritten: Guard dog? Service dog? Yeah, yeah... When earth is invaded by evil aliens that look like pony tail holders, our cat will be a hero.