@curlycomedy: When I say, "No problem," I mean, "YOU REMEMBER THIS FAVOR FOREVER."
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@NaeemHoosain: 1. Sits in the bedroom 2. Doesn't leave the house 3. Doesn't go out with freinds My childhood punishments are my adult hobies 😎
@IvoryGazelle: me: ugh I’m so fat him: babe no, it’s all in your head me: oh great, I don’t even know any head exercises
@david8hughes: Being a parent is the most rewarding job in the world. Unless you have a job where the reward is, for example, getting paid.
@MichaelTrying: As an atheist I don’t receive many xmas cards and the ones I do disproportionately say “may God have mercy on your soul.”