@WeissBrandon: When I see a couple and the women's pregnant. I always walk up and YELL "why don't you tell him who is really the father." and walk away
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@dhumann: Apparently, Walt Disney was a secret FBI snitch for 26 years so I guess you could say he was a rat who was famous for drawing a mouse.
@T_Bonezzz_: Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over? Me: Because my tires look like donuts? Cop: Get out
@usermcuserface: I'm breaking up with you. No, your paintings are not the issue! Vincent van Gogh: (holding his severed ear) Is it the way I dress?
@bgirl314: 5: Mommy can we pee in the pool? M: NO! Neighbors kid: Why? M: Because pee mixed with chlorine produces sharks and they'll eat and kill you.