@botandy: when I see a Facebook relationship status 'it's complicated' I imagine love through wormholes over tens of thousands of years, alien biology
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@TheBoydP: The worst kind of insomnia is snoring induced insomnia. That's when every time you start snoring your wife shoves you awake...
@stevevsninjas: Me: Well honey, this place is ripe for arson Realtor: Right for your son? Oh yes Me: This house will be coals Realtor: Cole is a lovely name
@Book_Krazy: [interview] "How would you describe your people skills?" ME: I tend to drive others away. "That's great! Welcome to Uber."