@AndyShulk: When I see a flash mob in public I immediately join in to make it seem like they didn't practice enough.
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@AnissaClingman: My brother & I've competed for title of family black sheep for yrs. He checked in at a strip-club...on FB. Well played brother, well played
@POTerritory: General: Why is the whole battalion yellow and slimy? Me: I mustard the troops. General: ... Me: Just as you told me to, sir.
@AmishPornStar1: Teachers at the pre-school ask why I'm in a good mood in the morning... I'm like, "Duh...did you not see me just leave my kids with you?"
@daemonic3: [1st date] So, what's your back story? "I have scoliosis" No, I mean your BACK STORY, like your history "Oh! I got scoliosis as a child"