@TankCesar: How long are you supposed to chase someone after your wallet gets stolen? Because I'm tired of running and he's catching up....

@blade_funner: [holding a device in my hand that contains the accumulated knowledge of mankind] *search* Panda...playing...ukulele

@BatBatshitcrazy: Don't bite the hand that feeds you, unless of course, they're feeding you kale.

@SardonicTart: *Gets haircut* "Omg I love it" *Ten minutes later* "Dear God what have I done?"

@topaz_kell: Never trust a sweet talker.. They probably just want you to undo the zip ties so they can escape.