@roggyie: When I see a girl with a lot of makeup, I just wanna to use my finger & write `"WASH ME"` on her face.
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@weinerdog4life: Babies are just like turtles, keep them in water and also feed them turtle food.
@david8hughes: [first date] Me: that is hilarious Date: ... Me: wait, bread or dead? Date: how would my parents be bread?
@AliceGolightly_: Me: You've dimmed the lights already, aren't we forward? * smiles suggestively * Optometrist: Just read the letters on the screen.