@jessokfine: When I see a guy with a tooth pick in his mouth I'm like, wow. look at that guy. he ate most of a tree.
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@WildeThingy: "I want to swim with an overweight, rich white guy before I die." - Dolphin bucket list.
@turtledumplin: Boss left his email open. Me: *looks around, send email to district manager "i love you" Now we wait
@murrman5: can we have one night where you don't act like spiderman "ok" [hour later a bird/panther type thing steals wife's purse] "don't look at me"
@AristotlesNZ: A guy once told me life's too short to stress, but it turned out that life's much shorter for people who give advice to stressed out people.