@TheCiscoKidder: When I see a parked car with the stick figure family on it, I move the husband over and put my studly stick figure next to the wife.
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@SamGrittner: Every horse you've ever seen has two people inside them. Horses aren't real. Commitment is.
@elle91: They said the kids that bullied me in school would be pumping my gas one day but 1 just got a modeling contract who do I talk to about this
@RobertJrDowney: Who's idea was it to package scissors in a package what requires scissors to open.
@TheToddWilliams: Kid: WAAAHH! MY TOY IS BROKEN!! Dad: Nothing a little duct tape won't fix... Kid: mfflr..frrrr..strnnn