@TheCiscoKidder: When I see a parked car with the stick figure family on it, I move the husband over and put my studly stick figure next to the wife.
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@trevso_electric: Thank you for ordering this $2 necklace from Etsy. With shipping your total comes to $758,937. Item will arrive from Uzbekistan in 3 years
@doguacate: when interviewing a person for a dog walking position, you must make absolutely certain that given the chance, the applicant won't eat a dog
@blazed_ncis: *going through mail* "bills bills bills bills bills" "I think I'll unsubscribe from Daily Ducks Magazine."
@Carbosly: "I'm scared of thunder and vacuums but this beehive full of killer bees looks delicious." - Dogs