@ka_unplugged: When I see an ugly guy buying condoms, I restore my faith in myself by thinking that he bought them only because balloons weren't available
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@Home_Halfway: Keep your coworkers on their feet by beginning your next e-mail with "If you're reading this, I'm already dead."
@iGreenMonk: If I found out I only had a week to live, and could go anywhere in the world, I think I'd go to the hospital because that sounds serious.
@Billhenry16: I found a new way to get my wife to wash the car. When ever it gets dusty I write the following on it: "I wish my Wife was this Dirty".