@ka_unplugged: When I see an ugly guy buying condoms, I restore my faith in myself by thinking that he bought them only because balloons weren't available
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@UncleDuke1969: *takes coffee from hot barista *makes eye contact *smiles *winks *sips scalding coffee "Thankth, thexy! Theeya!" *walks outside *screams
@Parentpains: "She must be shy" is probably what I say to myself the most when a woman abruptly moves across the country after talking to me.
@stephenjmolloy: Ian: "I baked you a pie to say sorry for backing over your cat in my car." Tim: "You did what?!" Ian: "Baked you a pie."