@Douchekevin: When I see babies who breastfeed crying I know it's because they don't have Oreos to go with the milk.
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@BradBroaddus: Some guy just passed toilet paper under the stall without me even asking. I'm not sure if he is a pervert or a wizard.
@Mr_Kapowski: Is my iPhone named Freedom? Yes Do I never pick up phone calls on it? Also yes, because as an American, I let freedom ring
@iwearaonesie: 9: The remote isn't working me: Did you smack it? 9: Yep me: Did you push the button down really hard? 9: Yep me: Well I'm out of ideas