@deskslave1: When I see crate of kittens in a pet store I think "oh a crazy cat lady starter kit!"
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@QwertyJones3: [Me narrating a documentary on guerrilla warfare] And here's more footage of people, but I'm sure apes will be in this film any minute now..
@AngelaEhh: It'd be nice if the married people would leave some of the single people for the rest of the single people.
@MarlonBrandNO: [In Bar] Friend: Your fly is down Me: I know, he's going through a messy divorce *glances to fly passed out among empty beer bottles*
@Xalqee: "If I act like I'm asleep he'll leave, If I act like I'm asleep he'll leave, if I act like I'm asleep he'll leave" - Me getting pulled over