@DonQuickoats: When I see drivers with tinted windows I still stare at them in their eyes, or where I think their eyes are, so they think I'm superhuman
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@NJFreudian: Which doesnt belong? Camel Polar Bear Obama Buffalo Camel......It's the only one on the list that knows something about the Middle East
@Storminika: Every time Nicki Minaj tells someone their voice isn't good enough on Idols, someone is crushed to death by the weight of the irony.
@TheAlexP: Girl seeing my torn jeans Where'd you get those?! *remembers trying to pee on a hill & stumbling backwards through thorn bushes* The Gap.
@CauseWereGuys: My roommate is 3 days younger than me so ive gotten in the habit of saying “when i was your age..” and then describing what i did 3 days ago