@joeldanger: When I see guys with skinny jeans and skin tight T's on I pretend they are actual giants who woke up tiny and just had nothing else to wear.
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@LeBearGirdle: *Paranormal Factivity* [I walk into my bathroom] "OH MY GOD" ['WHALES ARE ACTUALLY MAMMALS' is written in blood on the mirror]
@rickolantern: Luke is so old now he just uses the Force to keep the neighborhood kids off his lawn
@pleatedjeans: [Shark Tank] an armadillo clock that rolls away so you gotta get up to turn off the alarm Sounds dum- It's called the Alarmadillo OMG SOLD