@mattsurely: When I see JUST MARRIED I like to think it means 'only married' like there are higher types of commitment but they just settled for marriage
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@ashmensch: "Excuse me, but the sign says 'No shirt, no shoes, no service.' It doesn't say a goddamn thing about no pants." - Me, drunk at Target
@PlatinumShower: I just used "volumizing" shampoo for the first time.... Everything sounds the same.
@sixfootcandy: Picking out the right Christmas tree is a science. Sneaking into your neighbor's yard to cut it down is an art.
@robfee: "I'm still years behind on Breaking Bad so I expect the entire internet not to discuss it until it's convenient for me." - Idiots