@CollegeHumorLol: When I see my cat staring out the window, I sit behind him and whisper, "Look, Simba, Everything the light touches is our kingdom".
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@Beesthegame: Man: I'd like an order of buffalo wings Bartender: sorry, we don't serve food here *a sandwich that just walked in flips a table and leaves*
@1par8head: Someone is selling a rot iron table on Craigslist ..wonder If they would trade for a dictionary
@conanobrienswyf: Clapping was invented by white people at concerts, because we have no idea what to do with our hands when we dance.