@CollegeHumorLol: When I see my cat staring out the window, I sit behind him and whisper, "Look, Simba, Everything the light touches is our kingdom".
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@WildeThingy: [revenge plan] *invent miniaturisation machine. *shrink to tiny size. *crawl all over sleeping spider's face.
@BonaFideIntent: Have you ever met a person, & knew straight away that they were 'the one'? Yah. I had to take a restraining order out too.
@ScorpionDong: "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain streaking" [pilot darts out of the cockpit completely naked]
@Try2StopME: Customer care: Your call is important to us, please hold on. Customer: *completes graduation* *gets a job* *gets married* *gets old* *dies*