@sucittaM: When I see people running to catch the elevator I'm on I yell "HURRY! YOU GOTTA SMELL THIS!".
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@n0tblonde: If mental stability was measured by the type of tweets we laughed at, straight jackets would be the new black.
@ThisOneSayz: The Revenant bear attack scene only it's me trying to get out of volunteering at my kid's school.
@Mr_Kapowski: [ATM, with a line of people behind me] Me: *turns around* Sorry, forgot my PIN. How does that song go? 867 and then what?
@Puncroaker: I think my wife is having an affair, for two years she claims to have been going to classes, yet still can't speak a word of Zumba.