@weinerdog4life: When I tell my wife I'm gonna have to work late she knows it's code for I was playing with super glue and I'm stuck to my desk again.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@nigelgodwin: I always have a suicide note in my shower so that i wont look stupid if i ever slip and crack my head
@Storminika: I win arguments with cab drivers by getting out of the cab and leaving the door open.
@MariyaAlexander: Cops have a new radar that lets them see through walls into our homes but imagine if this technology fell into the wrong hands! Oh wait...
@GrantTanaka: [band comes out for encore] DO YOU WANNA HEAR ONE MORE crowd: YAAAAAHHHH me: GETTING KINDA LATE GUYS