@TedBundybitch: When I tell people I don't speak English to get out of a conversation I randomly throw the word hemorrhoid just to bring it home
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@samalmightysam: You're born, you grow up, have kids, Mick Jagger is still alive, you die, your kids have kids, Mick Jagger is still alive......
@DaHess1: Her: What's your fantasy? Me: Movie theaters that charge kids 3 and under $500 per ticket.
@DanMentos: [guy in charge of naming superheroes] Superman, next Batman, next Wonder Woman, next Aquaman, next *takes a hit of acid* Green Lantern