@topaz_kell: When I treat people the way I want to be treated, they get weirded out when I start brushing their hair.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@JohnLyonTweets: Magician: I need a volunteer. [man stands] Not you. [woman stands] Not you. GARY GET UP HERE! [Gary goes up] We've never met before, right?
@tastefactory: When I was going into surgery my dad said "Good luck w/ your surgery" and I said "you too" so now my dad has to get surgery too, he's pissed
@DanTaylorAuthor: Me: *throws banana and waits for it to return, boomerang style* that's the last time I ever believe anything I read on Yahoo Answers...
@dtee83: Wife: Who is the prettiest of my friends? Me: your mother, why? W: Stop acting like you're 12. M: (thinking) I dodged that bullet again.